in charge vs. in control

So a quick post (while madly cleaning) before my ILs arrive for the holidays.

I noticed while first my aunt and then my MIL were here after Veronica was born that I was insanely detail-oriented. It seemed unusually so ... or I had always been like that and only just noticed, which I'm afraid is the actual case. I'd go out and immediately on coming back would see six or eight things that weren't "right" in my book. Every little thing out of place irritated me. And the fact that small things got to me so badly made me nervous, because I don't want to be one of those people who is so set in her ways that no one can do anything. It's not healthy for me, not constructive for the people around me, and not a good way to raise the kids.

I think the problem is the difference between being "in charge" of my home and being "in control" of it. Obviously, I run the house. But I think during the time after Veronica was born (and, not surprisingly, in general where my MIL is concerned), I was feeling in some way threatened in my basic autonomy.

So the key for me in the upcoming days (because Christmas as a chaotic holiday filled with activity, excitement, and general amounts of mess lends itself to some serious control issues anyway) is to remember that I don't have to be on top of every single detail, and it doesn't all have to be done my way, in order for me to retain my identity as the person "in charge" in my home. Wish me luck!