wanderlust

So in 34 years, I've lived at 21 different addresses. (And this is not counting different dorm rooms - the number of times I've had to pack up and move my stuff is much larger.) We were in Beverly eight years, which is officially the longest I've ever lived in one state. This summer will be a full decade in Massachusetts! And I have committed to roughly 15 years at the current location - barring unforeseen circumstances, we're here until Veronica graduates from high school. (Yes, that's only about 15 years from now.)

I really like New England. I like the fall, like the spring, like the summer. I like the history. I don't mind the winter TOO much, and I adore it at Christmas-time. I love Andover. And while I'm not in love with our house, I like it a lot and it is certainly a fabulous location for the kids to grow up in.

However. I can't control my innate sense of wanderlust. I drive around looking at all the beautiful old houses and feel the sting of house envy, the desire to know what it would be like to live there. I think about other areas of the country and fantasize about moving. Right now, the fantasy of choice is a nice farmhouse in rural Virginia. Next month, maybe it'll be a beach house. Who knows? Either way, the idea is the same - to see what life is like somewhere else.

What I find particularly odd about that is that right now I am completely happy with my life - I have pretty much everything I ever wanted, couldn't be happier with my husband and children, am working on the friends and personal advancement bits - as noted, I am comfortable in my own skin. In addition, I'm well aware that my life in rural Virginia, or the beach, or the big farmhouse down the road would be either much the same or possibly significantly less comfortable than it is now. I've been around enough to know that the greener grass might well be Astroturf ... but it continues to look good, and I continue to feel this low-lying longing for the lives I didn't choose. Probably, I always will.

finally fitting

I keep forgetting how old I'm going to be tomorrow - I have to stop and think to get the year exactly right. Five years from now, I'll probably have given up and will just say "late thirties" when asked my age. But not because my age bothers me. On the contrary - I feel like my soul has been in its mid-thirties while my body transitioned through adolescence and young womanhood. I now finally have the lifestyle to go with my mindset, and as a result am a much happier, more relaxed, more confident person.

I will be interested to see how that changes as the years continue to progress - will I be unhappy in my early 40s, because my mind and body will have parted ways again? Or will I begin to 'grow up' with my body starting from this point? I would rather be friends with the me of today than the me of 10 years ago ... will the next decade bring similar drastic changes in mindset? Refreshingly, I don't much care - after a lifetime of focus on the next thing, the future (haunting my own life, per Annie Dillard), I am finally living in the present. I kind of like it here.

new-fallen snow

When I'm up in the middle of the night (which is less frequent than it used to be, but still happens reasonably often) and look out into the vast expanse of white in the back yard, I fully understand the line "The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow/Gave a luster of midday to objects below." I don't think I ever got it before - but our yard, with its lack of artificial light and the even covering of snow it bears, illustrates the point quite well. Now, if only I can look out one night and see "a miniature sleigh with eight tiny reindeer", not to mention "the little old driver, so lively and quick". It would be a dream come true.

book reviews

Yay, twice in one week! They're all rereads, so nothing new under the sun this time around, but still - enjoyable reading.

Jane Finnis, Get Out or Die. This is a reread from last year - I chose this as my first pick for my book group, so I wanted it to be fresh in my mind this week when we meet. Held up well in the second reading, although I admit it lost a little of the glorious luster from the first reading. Still, well worth the time.

Farley Mowat, Born Naked. This is Mowat's memoir of his early years (he's famous for such works as Never Cry Wolf and A Whale for the Killing), and is really enjoyable. His characterizations of his parents and his life are an interesting change from the way both are portrayed in some of his earlier works (The Dog Who Wouldn't Be, for example), but it's all very vivid, and you can tell he looks back on it all with fondness.

Anne Perry, Farriers' Lane. This one was a bit slow-going, but the plot was solid and the characterizations decent.

Scott Turow, The Burden of Proof. It's a bit of a hefty tome, but it moves quickly. I enjoyed the reread, but I also felt ... I don't know. There's a certain way Turow's works went as he wrote - a little too seedy, too grimy, I think, everyone's inner secrets laid out for the reader - and you can see that in The Burden of Proof. (For the record, he may still be writing, but I stopped reading after a while and haven't seen his name in the bookstore recently.) The plots become more and more incidental to the protagonist's journey of discovery, but the protagonists tend to be not quite interesting enough to make their centrality worthwhile. In this case, you can see the tendency beginning, but there's still enough plot to be worth following and Sandy Stern is less seedy than many of the later characters.

delay

You know what I should be doing today? That's right - immersing myself in the grand and wonderful reinvented world of the Sims 3. But I'm not, because it's been delayed. Now, it's not that I don't have good uses for all the time that I'm not using playing the new and improved Sims ... it's just that I miss my Sims, I feel like it's silly to play the Sims 2 when the new game is on its way and will make them obsolete, and I want my game! Grr.

10 random thoughts

I'm feeling quite random today, so you're going to get the bubbles rising to the top of my fizzy brain today.

1. I really enjoy the commentary on the Sex and the City DVDs. It adds so much depth to my enjoyment of the series, and it's really marvelous to hear what enthusiasm and dedication to excellence was brought to the creation of the episodes.

2. The fall of the Oscars is sad to me. I find them (along with the Emmys, Grammys, Golden Globes, etc.) really quite out of touch and predictable. (Maybe they always were ... but I remember them being a much, MUCH bigger deal when I was a child - and we didn't even go to the movies that often.)

3. The idea of a garden is starting to tickle the back of my mind - trying to decide on flowers, herbs, vegetables, or some mixture, and where they'll all go. (Also considering what to do with them - I always feel terrible at the end of the season when my herbs just die on the plant.)

4. I'm committing to restarting my diet and exercise program on Sunday. I think I'll make some cookies.

5. Now that I have my office finished and the furniture in place, I feel like I need a better organizational system - both for time and for material.

6. I'm also thinking about pictures - what to do with them, how to display them, which ones to choose.

7. I miss having a good local best friend - somebody to call up and chat with 'just 'cause' - and wish I could also find someone you could call up and say "hey, want to go to Target together?". I know it takes time to get there, but it's discouraging.

8. I wish my 6-year-old wasn't already having to go through similar issues to #7.

9. I'm feeling the need to sort and purge through ... well, pretty much everything. It's a combo of spring distantly approaching and finally being able to unpack. I feel all new-leafy.

10. Why, why, why do small boys have to talk butt, pee, weiner, and burp all the time?

5K

As of yesterday, I'm planning to run a 5K. I've been out of the running habit way too long, my figure is a disaster, and I need the deadline and the accountability (several other people I know are also planning on running). Hoping to work a bit on my diet, as well. This is the plan!

book reviews

It's taken long enough! Been doing a lot of reading, just not a lot of finishing.

Anne Perry, Belgrave Square. Not a bad entry in the series, although I did find it hard to focus on. (I don't know whether that's because it wasn't a particularly compelling story or whether there's been so much going on my brain just couldn't concentrate.)

Elizabeth Peters, Crocodile on the Sanbank. Delightful! Peters writes historical mysteries based in Egypt and featuring archaeology - right up my alley. Loved her protagonist, enjoyed the plot, and found the writing style engaging. New series, yay!

Martha Grimes, The Old Contemptibles. Picked this one up at a book sale on a whim, then couldn't get past the first five pages. The language was 1960s England at its most colloquial, meaning that it was nearly impossible for me to understand. The characters were hard to follow without having read previous volumes in the series. Not enjoyable at all, and with as many books in the backlog as I have, not worth wasting time on.

William M. Kelso, Jamestown: The Buried Truth. An overview of the discovery of James Fort and then in-depth descriptions of many of the discoveries and the research surrounding them. Quite enjoyable, highly informative.

anticipation

By this time next week, the floors will be done and the installation and finishing parts of this whole long process will be over ... and all those boxes of my beloved books can begin migrating from all over the house into my office, where the bookcases will be waiting for them. I'm already trying to decide on an unpacking system. If I unpack too quickly, it will all be over so soon, but too slowly and it could take me years. I want to be able to appreciate each book as it comes out of the box.

I'm thinking I'm going to shelve by genre, although I may well put all of fiction together and only keep the nonfiction separate by subject matter. I'll have to see once all the bookshelves are in place.

So excited to be able to start sorting and organizing my books again!

American Idol - Top 36

The juggernaut rolls on, and the audition and Hollywood rounds are over. The auditions did seem kinder, gentler, and more filled with people who could actually sing ... although more people than usual seemed to get through because they amused the judges instead of because they sang well. The Hollywood rounds were aired longer, and most people in the top 36 are actually familiar names, so that's something ... but we didn't hear any more singing. Frankly, I feel like we heard a lot less singing than usual.

Several controversial contestants are in the line-up this year. I agree with the decision to move Nick Mitchell on ... although the judges seem to be fans of Norman Gentle, and frankly, I wish he would sing it straight. This is not American Cabaret. Tatiana del Toro has mental health issues and should not be on this show. Yes, she can sing. But she is not emotionally equipped to handle this competition and I do not want to watch that breakdown. I am glad to see Joanna Pacitti go - there's no way you can justify her as an "undiscovered talent." (Note: in the episode, she was moved forward. After the episode aired, it was revealed that she had been disqualified and replaced with Felicia Somebody.) AI does not want to be known as the place failed singers go to eke out one last chance in desperation.

To be honest, what I found most shocking/interesting about the whole episode was the reveal of the singers for next week. If you consider that at most, two contestants of a given gender will move forward to the top 12, it's really surprising that three of the most-hyped male contestants are in the first round (Danny Gokey, Anoop, and Michael Sarver - I'm not overwhelmed by any of them, and won't miss them if they go, but they all clearly were being pimped as Top-12 material). On the girl side, there hasn't been as much heavy promotion, but still - Alexis Grace, Jackie Tohn, and Anne Marie Boskovitch (sp?) have all been pushed as major talents and Stevie Wright is a huge fan favorite. Lots of people are going to be unhappy with next week's results, no matter how they play out. Interesting line-up.

disconcerting

Tomorrow is scheduled to be the warmest day of the winter so far, with temperatures potentially reaching the 50s ... and yet the ground is still a solid sheet of white and ice stills coats a large portion of the driveway. The two of them together are an odd juxtaposition ... but I'd rather have the warm weather with the snow than no snow and cold!

my sweet bunny-girl

One of the large differences I've seen so far between my boys and my girl is how much more demonstrative she is. Now, don't get me wrong - they can give a good cuddle, and the kisses and hugs do flow when they're in the mood. Not complaining in that area at all.

But Miss Bunny not only does the cuddles, kisses, and hugs, she announces her feelings on a regular basis. You give her something - it can be as simple as a pair of pink underwear - and she'll clasp her hands and say, "Oh, this is lovely!"

She spent an hour at the neighbor's house this morning. Later we drove by the house and I asked her if she had fun. She said, "Yeah." Then sighed, and added, "Mommy, I missed you so much."

She's also a big fan of spontaneous declarations of friendship. There's nothing quite like having her take my face in her little hands and say, "Mommy, you the best friend I ever had."

They're moments to treasure, since it won't be that much longer before I'm hearing the exact opposite!

first time at the theater!

(Not mine, of course. :)) Due to my friend Heather finally being on a show that has come to Boston, I got to take my boys down into the city today to see their first musical. First of many! The show was Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ... and with apologies to Heather and to Ian Fleming, I was underwhelmed by the script. But since I didn't see much of the show while tending to the boys, my opinion hardly matters!

After arguments about what to wear (neither one wanted to wear a button-down, which I insisted on ... I went 1/1 on the battle), a drive into town, and half an hour searching for a parking garage that took credit cards (who knew?!), we got to go on a quick tour of the backstage area. The kids were super-excited, although we had to restrain them from seeing the whole set as a big playground. (I greatly appreciated my better half sacrificing a morning of work on the basement to keep Veronica, who would have been a disaster all day, but particularly during this portion!)

We had some really nice seats ... although I didn't find out that there were booster seats available until it was too late. Even without them, I don't think the boys had much trouble seeing. Greyson was really into the whole thing from the beginning, although he did keep asking where the car was. (An hour and 15 minute first act, and the car doesn't show up until over an hour in. I didn't blame him for being impatient.) Charles rolled around in his seat sulking - although quietly, at least - for most of the first act. I left him alone, figuring he would come around eventually. Then, Chitty appeared! And soon he was "floating" on the "water" ... and then he was "flying" against a backdrop lit up with stars! It was impressive special effects, and caught both boys' attention. The open-mouthed awe on both faces more than made the trip worth it!

The second act, after a snack and some water, was much more vibrant and exciting in tone, and held both boys' attention pretty much throughout. Even Charles was jumping up and down and clapping, and both boys left the theater singing the title song.

It was really a nice experience, and I look forward to the next time!

5 things that make me happy today

Not really feeling up to in-depth commentary today, so it's time for happiness!

1. Unexpected days off. Little Charles is better today than he was yesterday, but it seemed like a good idea to keep him home from preschool. This led, in an inevitable domino effect, to skipping Veronica's playgroup and getting Greyson to come home on the bus instead of being picked up. End result? Nowhere to go, all day long!

2. Good books. A number of the current crop are highly enjoyable!

3. eBay. It's so satisfying to be able to do all my shopping in peace and quiet while sitting here in the sun.

4. The kitchen window! We have a lovely large picture window in the kitchen that gets sun all day long. It's a lovely warm place to sit when the sun is shining, and I can see everything the kids are up to while keeping up on work and all that other important computer stuff.

5. Only 2 more weeks until Sims3 comes out! As with any new technology, I remain concerned that I might not like the changes ... more often than not, I don't. But it looks really exciting and fun and I can't wait to try it out!

February has struck!

Now, don't get me wrong: I rejoice that we've made it all the way to February without any major illnesses getting in the way of our regularly scheduled activities. With three kids all involved in various things, that's little short of miraculous.

But 5 days into February, the crud has struck. Poor little Charles is down with a nasty cough and a case of listlessness. He even took the initiative to cancel his playdate this morning! (With a brand-new friend, too, who may or may not be sensitive enough to wonder if he's really that sick, especially since he was in school yesterday. Hopefully they'll take it in stride, since they have three kids in their family as well.) The rest of us have an occasional cough as well. Personally, I'm intending to push through and triumph with mind over matter, since I don't think there's a moment free for me to go to bed and be sick until sometime in March!

the end of the season

As I'm sitting here, I can see our Christmas tree lying in the snow in the back yard, waiting for me to be intrepid enough to haul it into the woods. Most of its accoutrements are already upstairs ... just the tarp and one last ceramic tree remain to be put away until next Christmas. Slowly but surely, the Christmas cards hanging around the house are being taken down. Of course, it's February (due to wishful thinking, I almost said "mid-February". Oh, would 'twere that 'twould.) , so most people's Christmas decor was put away weeks ago. And let's not forget that somewhere under the snow are the lawn decorations, waiting for enough melting to be able to pry them and their cords out of the ice. So I suppose the season hasn't ended entirely ... but I'm still kind of entranced by the idea of just leaving it all up all year round, to cherish Christmas 24/7/365.

It's a festive thought.

5 things I like about Facebook

Okay, so I hate to be a follower. And I find my enthusiasm vaguely embarrassing, so I try hard not to go around singing the praises of a social networking website. But I do have to admit that I really like Facebook. Here's why:

1. On a single page, I can see at a glance updates from people ranging from my 8th-grade best friend to my current playgroup.

2. I've been able to reconnect with several people I never thought I'd hear from again, and then to stay connected (which is a lot harder).

3. Because I've friended so many people from various portions of my life, I'm constantly reminded of where I used to be (which is not so great) and where I am now (which always looks really, really good in comparison).

4. I've not only maintained but deepened friendships with people who were friendly acquaintances when I lived near them and who I never really expected to be in contact with again.

5. Emailing people is a lot easier - I don't have to go looking for their email addresses or figure out which address of three or four is the right one.

Vive la Facebook!

the right PCP

No, I'm not looking for recreational drugs! I continue on my perennial search for a good doctor. I thought it might help to write down exactly what I'm looking for.

* a small, friendly office. I want the doctor to come in knowing my name - and at the very least, to have him/her use the good sense to look me up on the computer screen BEFORE walking in the exam room door, to offer me the illusion that s/he actually remembers me.

* a doctor who's up on the cutting edge of medical science. I want my doctor to be aware of all the relevant technology and willing/enthusiastic about using it. (No holistic medicine, no homeopathy, no telling me to go home and take herbs. I respect the last hundred and fifty years worth of modern medicine, and I would like my doctor to as well.)

* an office that's actually open occasionally. One of my ex-PCPs had an office that didn't take phone calls until 10, knocked off at 11:30 for lunch, picked up the phone again at 2, and then turned them off again at 4:30. Not my idea of professional behavior. If you're a doctor, your patients should be able to reach your office during business hours. End of story.

* in my best dreams, an office with a nurse line. I can call my pedi's office if I'm looking for medical advice and speak to a nurse, and it cuts way down on office visits and hassle. Why can't I do that with my PCP?

I don't delude myself that I'm really going to find an office that's conveniently located that will embody all these ideals ... but it sure would be nice!