dreams

Lots of dreams last night, but the worst one was the first. I dreamed the baby had died, and we had to start all over again, trying for another one. It was so devastating and depressing that I woke myself up crying, and actually lay there for a while trying to figure out how I was going to handle it before I realized that it WAS only a dream and baby is still there, moving around like a trooper.

After that, I dreamed I was Jennifer Garner in a leopard-print bra. It was nice to feel attractive for once! And then, that I was carrying a baby for Carlos and Gabrielle from Desperate Housewives, which I don't remember being too thrilled about. I seem to recall they were messing with my naming plans ... wanted to name the baby Sofia or something like that. But through both dreams ran the depression and fear of the first one, so I couldn't even enjoy them.

Still feel a little freaked out, honestly! And I got up this morning to a woman on my birth club board asking about the birth center whose "care" I was under when we lost Matthew, so now all that's in my mind, too. It's shaping up to be quite the day!