friendship

Tina's death isn't the only thing that has me thinking about friendship this week. Last Friday, I went to a ladies' night out with a group of women I didn't know very well. And while I had a good time while I was there, I came home exhausted and tired of my public persona. (I also found the amount of alcohol consumed quite disturbing. I could go into detail, but I want to stay on topic and that's a whole separate rant. I will note that Tina's death has given me a renewed appreciation for how young my mother was - 56 - and what a tremendous waste alcohol made of her life.)

At any rate, I spent most of Friday night "on", because I didn't feel comfortable with most of the women there. Which is not to say they weren't nice. Everyone was friendly and welcoming ... but the understanding wasn't there. In my younger days, I had trouble making friends - bad luck, maybe, or maybe I just wasn't ready - and I got used to seeing myself as someone without a lot of friends. I've learned a lot since then, and I am much better at it than I used to be. I have a relatively wide range of friends whose company I enjoy, and I appreciate them.

And then I have a smaller group of women who I feel really understand me. The ones I don't have to pretend with, the ones I can relax around and say what I'm thinking. I'll be making some rather maudlin phone calls this week, trying to explain to these women what they mean to me. A real friend is a great gift and should not be taken for granted. (I also have a renewed appreciation for the rare and wonderful good fortune of being married to my best friend. I love you, honey!)